She begrudgingly rolled over to silence the alarm clock rudely waking her with its banshee-like screeching, at what could only be described as an inhumane time for a Monday morning. The rain that had kept her up most of the night continued to beat against the windowpane relentlessly. Perfect, she thought, just perfect, as she dragged her self up and out of bed to face the day.
As she stood under her umbrella awaiting the taxi’s arrival, she couldn’t help but notice what would be an otherwise serene morning under a more pleasant circumstance. The streets were silent and calm, the air was crisp and fall weather was definitely beginning to settle it, it might actually be quite lovely, if it weren’t so cold and damp, and if she wasn’t on her way for medical tests before the crack of dawn.
The ride over was smooth for the most part, the driver was polite and the traffic was light. Of course, what kind of person drives with two out of four windows down when its cold and rainy was beyond her, but she was too tired to complain and the journey was short enough.
Armed with the forms outlining the details of her testing, she marched up to the first entrance, the entrance clearly identified on the paperwork, yet somehow the incorrect one. This is where the fun began.
When the guard informed her that she couldn’t use that entrance she shrugged it off as no big deal and simply asked;
“which entrance should I go to?”
To which the guard replied; “You need to go to the one listed on your paperwork.”
“But, this is the one on my paper”
“Well, this would be the one you would use, but we have closed down some of our entrances due to Covid protocols”
“Oh, ok, no problem, so which one should I be going to instead?”
“What does it say on the forms they gave you?”
The look she gave must have conveyed what she was thinking at the time; “You’re F’ing with me right?” The guard furthered the question by asking what alternate entrance was listed on the form, of course, there was no alternative options. He sent her to another entrance halfway down the block where a similar conversation ensued and another entrance after that, followed by another, and another. Round and round in circles she went, the conversations going further down hill with the subsequent guards trying to direct her to the address stated on her appointment forms.
Once she finally got in (after a quick jog around the block trying a never ending sea of unsuccessful doors) She was handed a disposable mask to put on in place of the one she walked in with. This would have been fine, except that the mask she was given only had one ear strap (the missing piece causing far more drama and confusion than needed).
Once the mask issue was sorted out, the gate keeper directed her to the alligator section of the hospital. She questioned this because the directions on her form clearly illustrated an owl symbol, yet the employee confirmed that it was indeed the alligator she needed to find…it wasn’t, the form didn’t lie this time, it really was the owl.
The doors where all locked, understandable, given the heightened security hospitals have been having to implement recently, and although she appreciated the prompt response to her knocking, she would have liked a little more of a buffer between the knock and the door swinging out towards her – luckily she was able to narrowly avoid getting bonked in the head…this time.
While sitting in a cramped, dingy hallway (that doubled as a storage room) a young nurse came out dressed head to toe in bright red, a sharp contrast to the grey bleak waiting area. The woman in red began sassing and giving another nurse at the station some major attitude over a room schedule conflict, only to find out she was yelling at the wrong nurse; off she went to go duke it out with the right person.
As I’m sure you’re able to guess, the woman in red would be the one administering the exam. Inside the exam room, she was much nicer, explaining that they had gel warmers to make these exams more comfortable… right before stating that the warmer in this room was broken and proceeded to slather the ice cold gel over shivering flesh with sadistic glee.
If that wasn’t bad enough, she was also playing country music, (the kind that sounds like someone is strangling a cat) for the duration of the exam – all two hours of it – Jesus, take the wheel!