One red flag on a date is bad enough, but when you are hit with two in a row before the drinks even reach the table? That’s when you know you are in for a rough evening. I would not consider myself a very ‘wishy washy’ type of person. I can be decisive when I have to be (Unless we’re talking about picking a restaurant with one of my closest friends, then forget it!) and I generally know what I want most of the time. People have commented on this a few times, most notably when shopping. Mind you, this can be a bit of an annoying characteristic, because knowing what you want, means you know what you don’t … and that can lead to people perceiving you as being difficult (especially when shopping for pants). Now, admittedly there are a few areas of my life right now that are clouded with confusion where I am drowning in a sea of “I don’t know” but what I am looking for in a potential partner is definitely not one of those areas.
I found myself on a date with someone who passed the preliminary stages of messaging back and forth smoothly enough. However, the first red flag came straight out of the gate seconds after placing the order. We were making small talk when he commented that I was a ‘classy lady’ and that he was taken back by that…this was a bit of an odd statement, and I wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, just what kind of vibe did I give off during our messaging that this would surprise him? Or maybe it was just a matter of him having a stream of bad dates as well. Either way, this was one of those comments that makes you think “huh, that’s a bit strange” before moving on without much further thought (a mistake on my part).
Things did go get any better from there. The particular restaurant we were at served water out of empty bourbon bottles. He was very concerned about this and wanted to make sure that they were in fact just serving us water. This seemed rather odd as I am not sure I have ever heard of any restaurant that serves free alcohol to guests and it is certainly not something I have never heard anyone being paranoid over before. if this is something that is common practice enough to be of concern, then I guess I have been living under a rock for the past 31 years. As it turned out, his paranoia stemmed from the fact that he had an impaired driving charge…and his truck was now equipped with one of those breathalyser devices where the driver needs to pass before the vehicle will start. This was definitely a red flag! He somewhat embarrassedly tried to talk about past mistakes and fear of judgment so, although I knew this date wasn’t going to go anywhere, I decided I would hold the conversation a bit longer instead of running away on the spot.
Red flag number two came shortly thereafter. When he very casually, and very matter of factly stated that, since I was a woman, I didn’t know what I wanted… because apparently no women actually know what they want. Wait…what!? He went on to clarify that this was especially the case when it came to men, it would seem that throughout his years of ‘research’ he had determined women simply never knew what they wanted in a man. Check Please!
Furthermore, this guy continued to dig the hole he was in deeper by going on to state that not only did women not know what they want, but they never knew what was good for them. Hmm ok … interesting. Well sir, I hate to break it to you, but I do know what I want. And it’s not you.
Unfortunately, this is not the only time that some form of this conversation has come up. I have heard it a few times from different guys who seem pretty confident that I am just a ‘silly girl’ and therefore cannot possibly know what kind of guy I want. Perhaps they are trying out some sort of reverse phycology tactic? Trying to assert that they are what I want by claiming that I can’t possibly figure out what I want for myself (and if that is the case, then to them I say… good luck with that).