I Need A Favour

Most people who know me will tell you that I am pretty quick to help out others wherever and whenever possible. I am definitely the person who will bend over backwards for everyone else even though I know the efforts are rarely reciprocated. Usually I have no problem with this. After all, we should be the type of person we want to see in the world and wouldn’t life be just a little bit better if we all were happy to help those around us? However, I must admit that lately four little words I normally don’t think twice about have me dreading this upcoming weekend. 

“I need a favour”. Words that I have heard from people so many times they no longer pose it as a question, but simply state what they want, assuming that I will say yes. But what happens when you find yourself wanting to say no instead? This is something I have been internally debating for the better part of a week now. 

Over the past few years I have come across people who have a tendency to ask for a lot. I have always stepped up and gone out of my way for them even though more often than not it means I am at some sort of disadvantage. To top it off, any time plans were made that did not directly benefit them, those plans were canceled or they pulled a no show and I am at a loss, for either time, money, or quite frankly…respect. I suppose, I am just approaching my limit. I have been questioning whether or not saying no makes you a bad person, doesn’t stepping down from a favour mean you are selfish? Should we not want to help others when we are able to?

This week is a tough week, but who am I kidding, they are all tough lately aren’t they? With Covid numbers spiking I am faced with the reality that I don’t know when I will be able to see the people I love next, and that is taking its toll on me. I have also managed to some how mess up my foot while standing still…how is that even possible you ask? I have no idea (Refer to “Potato week”) …These things just happen. Now, it is difficult to stand for extended periods of time and walking is do-able but a pain to be sure. All of this makes the favour infinitely more difficult to pull off considering it would require being on my feet for hours on end (a fact that the person was not terribly sympathetic too).

The point is, that sometimes the favour we need to do is the one for ourselves. Sometimes it is necessary to take a breath and take care of us, even if that means having to say no to someone else. Helping others is awesome, but sometimes, respecting your own time and limitations is necessary, especially when others don’t. 

Published by Brie Valkyrie

I am nothing if not resilient. This is something quite a few people have frequently told me. When things felt exceptionally overwhelming I used to think “I know I am resilient, but sometimes I don’t want to have to be”. However, the life lessons and experiences shared in this blog tend to highlight the importance of resilience. Why? Because I have come to firmly believe that one of the first steps in finding happiness and becoming the person that you want to be is to understand that bullies, losers and unfortunate circumstances do not define you. After all, a person who never gives up can never be defeated. Colourfully invisible was born as a way to make sense of the seemingly endless; absurd, unfortunate, cringe worthy and down right comical circumstances I continuously find myself in. It is meant to provide entertainment while motivating others and offering advice on navigating the battlefields of life. I hope you enjoy reading these collections of stories and lessons learned along the way. Please feel free to reach out and make a connection.

7 thoughts on “I Need A Favour

  1. Nice to meet you, Brie. My friend, Donna, introduced me to you and I am glad she did. You have set your blog up beautifully. I especially like your title “Colourfully Invisible.”

    You have a lot of wisdom in your post. I also find these four words scary “I need a favour.” A very open ended question. It really depends on what the favour is. It puts me in an awkward position.

    It is difficult to say, “no” to people. I am getting better at it. I sometimes will remember to say “can I get back to you on this within a couple of days.” This buys me some lead time to think about it. Very well said, “…that sometimes the favour we need to do is the one for ourselves…”

    I have subscribed to your blog and I look forward to reading more. 🙂 Erica

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Brie – lovely to meet you and your post was a really interesting read. I’m in my 50’s but I can so relate to the voice in our heads that insists it’s crucial to please everyone – if they’re happy then we’re happy by association. The thought of saying “No” is so scary because it might mean that we lose a friendship or create animosity.
    Over the last several years I’ve finally found the courage to start valuing myself more and recognizing my own self worth. Catering to people who don’t value me is no longer acceptable. If saying “No” means losing them, then they were never a true friend in the first place.

    I think you know in your heart that this friendship isn’t two sided and that having to earn acceptance from someone who doesn’t value you enough to respect the fact that you’re not feeling 100% physically or emotionally – is just not worth it.

    It’s a hard journey developing our self-esteem later in life, but soooo worth it in the end. Good luck with deciding whether you want to earn this person’s “friendship” or whether it’s time to just stay “No” and accept the fallout. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Brie, this is so very true and I don’t blame you for feeling disrespected at all. If I were in your position I too would be very hesitant to help out without feeling a bit resentful! Your final sentence sums it up perfectly Helping others is awesome, but sometimes, respecting your own time and limitations is necessary, especially when others don’t.”

    Take care of yourself and do what you can, but try not to buckle to pressure from others is my only advice to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like Erica’s advice to politely but firmly tell the favour-asker that you will get back to them in a day or two. It lets the other person know that you doing the favour is not a given. It also buys you time to think it through.
    Your closing thought is an excellent tip for all of us to remember. Sometimes the most important favour that we do is the one we do for ourselves. There’s much wisdom here.

    Like

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