Anyone who has ever been on an awkward date before knows that the person sitting on the other side of the table doesn’t always get the signs right. Signals get mixed, lost and misinterpreted often. In case you’re wondering, this always makes a bad date a thousand times more uncomfortable. For anyone wondering why women are tempted to duck out the back door on a first date, it’s because the other party of the date is either oblivious to, or blatantly ignoring the signs she is sending that broadcast her desire to end the date ASAP.
On one such date, the person was far too self-involved to notice any signals I was sending and trust me, I was sending a lot. He just couldn’t fathom that someone would ever disagree with his understanding of himself as being god’s gift to women. Not only did he misread the signs and continue talking, trying to extend the coffee date despite my best efforts to end it, words like “Well it was nice meeting you, but I really need to be going now” were somehow translated to “Please follow me home and take a nap.” I’m not joking. When I thought that I had finally managed to bring the date to an end, he tried to insist that he follow me home…and take a nap…while I watched him sleep.
Seriously? Who in the heck thinks that this is an appropriate thing to try and insist upon during a first date? When I declined the offer he seemed pretty baffled that I would dare to say no, trying to change my mind by informing me that he would only want to sleep for an hour or two, and that it would be a nice night for me because I could sit on the edge of the bed and watch him if I wanted to…wait….what?
After another few “no” responses he finally got the message. Although it could have been because I was also starting to physically walk away, it took all of my willpower to somewhat casually walk rather than sprint…but I definitely should have made a run for it!
I had thought that he conceded to the date being over when he finally said goodnight and asked for a hug goodbye. In my effort to end it as quickly as possible I decided to humour him, figuring if I could make it through another quick few seconds of awkwardness, I would be free to move on with the rest of my evening. This turned out to be a big mistake. He took my concession as an opportunity to pull me into him quicker than I could react and stick his tongue in my ear. Not lick, but shove his tongue in. Full. On. Golden retriever style! Talk about the ultimate wet-willie. YUK!